Don't Assume is the shortest consent rule in the scene: do not take it as given. Consent cannot be read off anyone — not off an outfit, not off behaviour, not off the room you are both standing in. If you want to know whether something is okay, you ask. Everything else is guessing with somebody else's stake.
What Isn't Consent
Not the outfit. Someone wearing very little got dressed, he did not put himself on offer. Not the flirting. A conversation, a look, a dance are exactly that and not an advance contract for the rest of the night. Not the venue. A club with a darkroom is a setting in which something is possible, not a zone in which it is assumed. All three get treated as evidence on a regular basis, and none of them is.
A Label Isn't Consent Either
The fourth point is the one that slips past most often. Top, bottom, sub, kinky: what somebody puts in a profile describes a preference. It does not answer a question nobody asked. A label says what someone tends to like. It says nothing about whether he wants it tonight, here, with you. Roles are information, not an arrangement.
AT TWINK DEATH
Four words carry this entry: "Labels inform. Consent decides." Ask. Then listen to what comes back, including when it is a no, including when it arrives quietly. A yes you assembled yourself is not one. And whatever you did get covers only what was actually discussed.
Related Terms
- Consent — the agreement itself, and the conditions attached to it.
- Labels — what a category can do and where it stops.
- Personal Space — the same rule applied to distance.
Awareness at TWINK DEATH, who to talk to and how a report runs: Awareness Concept